OMGTWILIGHT

[arielarena]

EDWARD: OMG BELLA stop trying to get me to tell you my deep dark secrets. WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS!!

BELLA: BUT EDDY-POO, YOU SAVED ME FROM A TRUCK AND WE ARE SO OBVIOUSLY MEANT TO BE TOGETHER BECAUSE I DREAM OF YOU AND SHIT.

EDWARD: BUT I'M DANGEROUS!!!!! *stalks off...sexily*

BELLA: WTF are you talking about??? *goes to ponder his every move/word/expression for PAGES AND PAGES*

*EDWARD returns*

EDWARD: BELLA, I'VE DECIDED TO PRETTY MUCH STALK YOU. LET'S BE FRIENDS!

BELLA: YOU SAID WE COULDN'T BE FRIENDS, ASSHAT.

EDWARD: ....I lied?

BELLA: You are SO LUCKY that you're sexy.

EDWARD: Don't you mean DAZZLING??

BELLA: ?

EDWARD: Oh, that doesn't come up till later...SPOILERS OMG! Anyway, let's go to Seattle TOGETHER. After I get ALL of the boys in the school to ask you to ask them to the dance that you don't want to go to anyway, 'cause you're clumsy.

BELLA: WTF?! *ponders in a very ponder-y way* Sure.

--and scene--

Next day at school...

EDWARD: BELLA SIT WITH ME INSTEAD OF YOUR STUPID-ASS FRIENDS WHOSE NAMES YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HALF THE TIME ANYWAY.

BELLA: I thought you said to stay away from you...WHAT IS THIS SHIT?

EDWARD: I don't care anymore. You SHOULD stay away from me, though. BUT I'M TOTALLY GONNA STALK YOU, FYI.

READER: What...the fuck?


And that's as far as I've read at the moment.


ETA:

Just got to the SPARKLING bit.

Edward Cullen has the mood swings of a pregnant woman with multiple personality disorder.

Comments

[eileenthepeach.livejournal.com]

MELIS, YOU DAZZLE ME WITH YOUR IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!!

And just wait till you see Jacob in the next two books....OOOHHHHH BOY.

This book is the best thing to happen to me in a long time. It's like Stephanie Meyer was like "You know....Eileen hasn't been able to epically make fun of anything for a while.............I KNOW WHAT TO DO! *vomits on paper and titles it TWILIGHT*"

[superri.livejournal.com]

OMG WE SHOULD TOTALLY MST3K IT!!!!

[melisus.livejournal.com]

I'M GAME!!!

[melisus.livejournal.com]

Jacob's a werewolf, isn't he? As if changing into one in Bella's dream WASN'T ENOUGH FORSHADOWING, I think I remember my cousin (who actually LIKED the books for some strange reason) telling me about how she much preferred Bella with Jacob than with Edward because Jacob was more awesome. And in the second book Bella decides to randomly dump Edward for a little while to date a werewolf.

YAY MY IDEAS DAZZLE. IT IS SO AWESOME AND LOLTASTIC THAT IT IS DESERVING OF ALL CAPS!!!

[eileenthepeach.livejournal.com]

He is....

BUT


BUT

(and this is pretty sad)

Meyers didn't intend on writing two other books. So when her publisher suggested sequels, they said she should do something with Jacob. THEN she decided to make him a werewolf and add his awesomeness to the story. Which makes me do all kinds of headdesking.

[melisus.livejournal.com]

It says a lot for the quality of the book series that the author didn't intend on writing any sequels.

[superri.livejournal.com]

That explains why she didn't make Jacob older. If I were Bella, I would never date someone younger than me. Once you've gone immortal, you can't go back.

[eileenthepeach.livejournal.com]

BUT...BUUUUUUUUT, because Jacob becomes a werewolf, he has a mega growth spurt and winds up looking 25. AND he'll never age, until he learns to not-phase-into-wolf-form, which could take decades. So he's semi-immortal. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA. OHHHHH STEPHENIE MEYER, YOU SLAY ME.