OMGTWILIGHT

[arielarena]

EDWARD: OMG BELLA stop trying to get me to tell you my deep dark secrets. WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS!!

BELLA: BUT EDDY-POO, YOU SAVED ME FROM A TRUCK AND WE ARE SO OBVIOUSLY MEANT TO BE TOGETHER BECAUSE I DREAM OF YOU AND SHIT.

EDWARD: BUT I'M DANGEROUS!!!!! *stalks off...sexily*

BELLA: WTF are you talking about??? *goes to ponder his every move/word/expression for PAGES AND PAGES*

*EDWARD returns*

EDWARD: BELLA, I'VE DECIDED TO PRETTY MUCH STALK YOU. LET'S BE FRIENDS!

BELLA: YOU SAID WE COULDN'T BE FRIENDS, ASSHAT.

EDWARD: ....I lied?

BELLA: You are SO LUCKY that you're sexy.

EDWARD: Don't you mean DAZZLING??

BELLA: ?

EDWARD: Oh, that doesn't come up till later...SPOILERS OMG! Anyway, let's go to Seattle TOGETHER. After I get ALL of the boys in the school to ask you to ask them to the dance that you don't want to go to anyway, 'cause you're clumsy.

BELLA: WTF?! *ponders in a very ponder-y way* Sure.

--and scene--

Next day at school...

EDWARD: BELLA SIT WITH ME INSTEAD OF YOUR STUPID-ASS FRIENDS WHOSE NAMES YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HALF THE TIME ANYWAY.

BELLA: I thought you said to stay away from you...WHAT IS THIS SHIT?

EDWARD: I don't care anymore. You SHOULD stay away from me, though. BUT I'M TOTALLY GONNA STALK YOU, FYI.

READER: What...the fuck?


And that's as far as I've read at the moment.


ETA:

Just got to the SPARKLING bit.

Edward Cullen has the mood swings of a pregnant woman with multiple personality disorder.

Comments

[inoldentimes.livejournal.com]

...and it doesn't really get any better.

[melisus.livejournal.com]

We should get a team together (ie. you, me, and Peachers) and write an epic parody/spork/MST/this shit for BW. We could divide up the chapters!

Just wait until you meet Jacob in... I dunno, the next chapter or something. Little native kid who is characterized as juvenile though he's not THAT young AND TOTALLY KNOWS ANCIENT MYSTICAL NATIVE AMERICAN STORIES ABOUT "MYSTERIOUS" WOLF MEN AND COLD ONES AND THE TREATIES THEY MAKE.

[(Anonymous)]

You. . .I. . . .You. . .

I'm torn between acute embarrassment because I enjoy books as these and EXTREME amusement at watching you discover the Very.Bad hidden between the fluff and fun and. . .dazzle?

It's the third book that really takes the ticket. No lie. The first one I got through and enjoyed and didn't analyze. The second one I read, cried, enjoyed, managed to find one literary device I enjoyed. The third. I read, WTF'd for an hour, read again, and gave up after realizing that logic really has no place in teen vamp lit as such

[musepoetique.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha

[typo1138.livejournal.com]

Wow. That is a poignant, yet effective summary. XDDD

SPARKLESSSSS

[tru-chan-speaks.livejournal.com]

I figured I would just wait for the movie rather than force myself through its almighty crappyness...
Your summaries = win as well

[nibbes.livejournal.com]

Ha! I love that everyone keeps posting their Twilight updates, because at this rate it means I won't ever have to open the book.
It's so fantastic.

[caitylady88.livejournal.com]

hahahaha...
i just finished the first one, starting new moon now.
i really think they could've better cast him in the movie. Edward I mean.
Robert Pattison is pale enough, sure....but his face is a little too chubby and I just get a different image in my head when I read his parts.

and I don't like all the pg-13ness meyers puts into it. I guess I'm just used to Angela's vampire sex books. ugh. Now if they adapted Twilight with the dirty vampire books, I'd be a happy camper. lol