OMGTWILIGHT

[arielarena]

EDWARD: OMG BELLA stop trying to get me to tell you my deep dark secrets. WE CAN'T BE FRIENDS!!

BELLA: BUT EDDY-POO, YOU SAVED ME FROM A TRUCK AND WE ARE SO OBVIOUSLY MEANT TO BE TOGETHER BECAUSE I DREAM OF YOU AND SHIT.

EDWARD: BUT I'M DANGEROUS!!!!! *stalks off...sexily*

BELLA: WTF are you talking about??? *goes to ponder his every move/word/expression for PAGES AND PAGES*

*EDWARD returns*

EDWARD: BELLA, I'VE DECIDED TO PRETTY MUCH STALK YOU. LET'S BE FRIENDS!

BELLA: YOU SAID WE COULDN'T BE FRIENDS, ASSHAT.

EDWARD: ....I lied?

BELLA: You are SO LUCKY that you're sexy.

EDWARD: Don't you mean DAZZLING??

BELLA: ?

EDWARD: Oh, that doesn't come up till later...SPOILERS OMG! Anyway, let's go to Seattle TOGETHER. After I get ALL of the boys in the school to ask you to ask them to the dance that you don't want to go to anyway, 'cause you're clumsy.

BELLA: WTF?! *ponders in a very ponder-y way* Sure.

--and scene--

Next day at school...

EDWARD: BELLA SIT WITH ME INSTEAD OF YOUR STUPID-ASS FRIENDS WHOSE NAMES YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER HALF THE TIME ANYWAY.

BELLA: I thought you said to stay away from you...WHAT IS THIS SHIT?

EDWARD: I don't care anymore. You SHOULD stay away from me, though. BUT I'M TOTALLY GONNA STALK YOU, FYI.

READER: What...the fuck?


And that's as far as I've read at the moment.


ETA:

Just got to the SPARKLING bit.

Edward Cullen has the mood swings of a pregnant woman with multiple personality disorder.

Comments

[inoldentimes.livejournal.com]

...and it doesn't really get any better.

[superri.livejournal.com]

That was a VERY fast response. Hahaha! I've heard that doesn't get better. I'm in it for the sparkles and dazzling.

[inoldentimes.livejournal.com]

lol. I just opened my browser and lj friends is my homepage... guess you'd just posted.

Yeah.. it's just one of those teen books I have zero patience for... sort of like HP6 with all the "I like you, but you like me too, so I'm gonna go date him to make you jealous blah blah" bullshit. I only read the first twilight book, and couldn't be arsed with the rest, although when I worked at Chapters all the girls were all gaga about it.

*yawn*
lol

[superri.livejournal.com]

I like to think my reading it is sort of a sociological experiment but it's really just so I can mock it more effectively.

[melisus.livejournal.com]

We should get a team together (ie. you, me, and Peachers) and write an epic parody/spork/MST/this shit for BW. We could divide up the chapters!

Just wait until you meet Jacob in... I dunno, the next chapter or something. Little native kid who is characterized as juvenile though he's not THAT young AND TOTALLY KNOWS ANCIENT MYSTICAL NATIVE AMERICAN STORIES ABOUT "MYSTERIOUS" WOLF MEN AND COLD ONES AND THE TREATIES THEY MAKE.

[superri.livejournal.com]

I literally JUST read that bit. I'm at the part where Bella is looking up vampires online. She really should have just gone on wikipedia instead of searching it. Though I can finally feel something for her: pity because she has dial-up.

[melisus.livejournal.com]

And the fact that her mother sends her emails using Comic Sans (at least in my version that's what the emails are written with). OH THE HORROR!!!

[superri.livejournal.com]

I'm reading the version Klo sent me. It doesn't have different fonts. :-(

[melisus.livejournal.com]

Awwwww... well, you're not missing out on much, trust me.

[eileenthepeach.livejournal.com]

MELIS, YOU DAZZLE ME WITH YOUR IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!!

And just wait till you see Jacob in the next two books....OOOHHHHH BOY.

This book is the best thing to happen to me in a long time. It's like Stephanie Meyer was like "You know....Eileen hasn't been able to epically make fun of anything for a while.............I KNOW WHAT TO DO! *vomits on paper and titles it TWILIGHT*"

[superri.livejournal.com]

OMG WE SHOULD TOTALLY MST3K IT!!!!

[melisus.livejournal.com]

I'M GAME!!!

[melisus.livejournal.com]

Jacob's a werewolf, isn't he? As if changing into one in Bella's dream WASN'T ENOUGH FORSHADOWING, I think I remember my cousin (who actually LIKED the books for some strange reason) telling me about how she much preferred Bella with Jacob than with Edward because Jacob was more awesome. And in the second book Bella decides to randomly dump Edward for a little while to date a werewolf.

YAY MY IDEAS DAZZLE. IT IS SO AWESOME AND LOLTASTIC THAT IT IS DESERVING OF ALL CAPS!!!

[eileenthepeach.livejournal.com]

He is....

BUT


BUT

(and this is pretty sad)

Meyers didn't intend on writing two other books. So when her publisher suggested sequels, they said she should do something with Jacob. THEN she decided to make him a werewolf and add his awesomeness to the story. Which makes me do all kinds of headdesking.

[melisus.livejournal.com]

It says a lot for the quality of the book series that the author didn't intend on writing any sequels.

[superri.livejournal.com]

That explains why she didn't make Jacob older. If I were Bella, I would never date someone younger than me. Once you've gone immortal, you can't go back.

[eileenthepeach.livejournal.com]

BUT...BUUUUUUUUT, because Jacob becomes a werewolf, he has a mega growth spurt and winds up looking 25. AND he'll never age, until he learns to not-phase-into-wolf-form, which could take decades. So he's semi-immortal. BWAHAHAHAHAHAAA. OHHHHH STEPHENIE MEYER, YOU SLAY ME.

[alex.livejournal.com]

AAAAHAHA.

Please give Sean a cameo with his toaster.

[superri.livejournal.com]

I AM SO GONNA DRAW THAT FANART!!

[(Anonymous)]

You. . .I. . . .You. . .

I'm torn between acute embarrassment because I enjoy books as these and EXTREME amusement at watching you discover the Very.Bad hidden between the fluff and fun and. . .dazzle?

It's the third book that really takes the ticket. No lie. The first one I got through and enjoyed and didn't analyze. The second one I read, cried, enjoyed, managed to find one literary device I enjoyed. The third. I read, WTF'd for an hour, read again, and gave up after realizing that logic really has no place in teen vamp lit as such

[lesyeuxaveugles.livejournal.com]

Ooops! Forgot I was at work and thus not logged in.

[superri.livejournal.com]

Don't be embarrassed. I'm enjoying it very much! I JUST got to the DAZZLING!!!!!!!!!!! SO EXCITED! It's like a game! I'm not hating on Stephanie Meyer. I think she has a fun imagination. Her books probably would work better in third person, as Melis has said.

[musepoetique.livejournal.com]

Hahahaha

[typo1138.livejournal.com]

Wow. That is a poignant, yet effective summary. XDDD

SPARKLESSSSS

[tru-chan-speaks.livejournal.com]

I figured I would just wait for the movie rather than force myself through its almighty crappyness...
Your summaries = win as well

[superri.livejournal.com]

It actually looks good from the trailer. I think this might be a case of the spinoff (is that the right word?) surpassing it's source material. Plus, Cedric is quite a hotty.

[tru-chan-speaks.livejournal.com]

That's the sense I got from it too. and yes, hot, definitely hot!

[nibbes.livejournal.com]

Ha! I love that everyone keeps posting their Twilight updates, because at this rate it means I won't ever have to open the book.
It's so fantastic.

[caitylady88.livejournal.com]

hahahaha...
i just finished the first one, starting new moon now.
i really think they could've better cast him in the movie. Edward I mean.
Robert Pattison is pale enough, sure....but his face is a little too chubby and I just get a different image in my head when I read his parts.

and I don't like all the pg-13ness meyers puts into it. I guess I'm just used to Angela's vampire sex books. ugh. Now if they adapted Twilight with the dirty vampire books, I'd be a happy camper. lol

[superri.livejournal.com]

I can't help but think of all the vampire romances I've borrowed from her when reading this. Just got to the bit where Edward and Bella attempt their first kiss. It seemed rather lame. He just kinda stood there and puckered.

I only saw the trailer and it looked intriguing enough for me to possibly cough up the money to see it. Or maybe I'll find a sugar daddy to pay for my ticket. That's my favored option. Pity I don't really know many guys anymore.

[caitylady88.livejournal.com]

oh my god I am like 130 pages into the second book, and basically its 130 pages of "OH POOR ME I'M SO SAD I'M GONNA MOPE AROUND ALL THE TIME" and do pathetic pathetic things. I don't want to spoil it for you but Bella is pathetic, whiny and angsty. ugh.

[superri.livejournal.com]

No worries, I'm already spoiled. I'm still wondering how she doesn't feel completely violated when finding out that Edward watches her all the fucking time. And the eavesdropping??? WTF!

[superri.livejournal.com]

Also, have you seen Angela recently? I haven't seen her since I stole five books from her, which I think was around Spring break.

[caitylady88.livejournal.com]

She hung out on my birthday, but that was the last time I saw her...

[superri.livejournal.com]

We need to do another hangout with everyone.

[superri.livejournal.com]

I screened that comment, anyway. That way you don't get more unwanted calls.

An iPhone, you say? OOooOOOOoo.